almost 2am, back from a party and listening to james blunt...

what was that crazy experience?
i remember how I used to be, how it used to be... mindless, so self aware... completely superficial and meaningless? maybe to me now. It's not a judgement, just an observation. I stood there in semi detachment, trying to figure out where I fitted in...
do I? did I ever? are we all just fooling ourselves?
what is it that you choose?
as I stood there, alone. Listening to some occasional good tune, watching the heaving dance floor, watching the individual interaction... i wondered how many people would actually remember much of the evening... how present was anyone in that moment? did anyone actually step outside of themselves and observe?
Not that I can see...
It's bizarre, I love to dance, like a maniac most of the time... purely for the music, the rhythym and the way it makes me feel...
i sometimes feel like a bit of an alien... my own insecurities!
how do you connect to anyone in that environment? It seems to me to be nothing more than a meat market... i don't always want to pick someone up, surely not everyone is there for that purpose...
Is it only ever about sex?

i know i think too deeply for most
and that's fine, we're all here on our journey, and one needs to allow that for each person...
but i wonder if i'll ever meet the man that i connect to on deeper level?
i hope... i dream...
i wonder if there's hope for the great unconscious?
perhaps that not for me to decide...
perhaps i'm just talking bull, and maybe i'll regret posting this in the morning...
and then perhaps i needed to say it...
good night from durban xox