almost 2am, back from a party and listening to james blunt...

what was that crazy experience?
i remember how I used to be, how it used to be... mindless, so self aware... completely superficial and meaningless? maybe to me now. It's not a judgement, just an observation. I stood there in semi detachment, trying to figure out where I fitted in...
do I? did I ever? are we all just fooling ourselves?
what is it that you choose?
as I stood there, alone. Listening to some occasional good tune, watching the heaving dance floor, watching the individual interaction... i wondered how many people would actually remember much of the evening... how present was anyone in that moment? did anyone actually step outside of themselves and observe?
Not that I can see...
It's bizarre, I love to dance, like a maniac most of the time... purely for the music, the rhythym and the way it makes me feel...
i sometimes feel like a bit of an alien... my own insecurities!
how do you connect to anyone in that environment? It seems to me to be nothing more than a meat market... i don't always want to pick someone up, surely not everyone is there for that purpose...
Is it only ever about sex?

i know i think too deeply for most
and that's fine, we're all here on our journey, and one needs to allow that for each person...
but i wonder if i'll ever meet the man that i connect to on deeper level?
i hope... i dream...
i wonder if there's hope for the great unconscious?
perhaps that not for me to decide...
perhaps i'm just talking bull, and maybe i'll regret posting this in the morning...
and then perhaps i needed to say it...
good night from durban xox

Oh I love my new camera!! I'm not one to obsess over material objects, but this... my new nikon D60 is one thing I adore! I keep having to pinch myself... It has been a long time coming (I won't bore you with the details)... lots of dreaming and wishing and finally manifesting. Oh the joy! Now instead of gazing at a sunset and saying 'I wish I had a camera...' I can now snap away with delight! And look, what a beautiful sunrise this was. I had been out for a run early morn and pushed myself hard to get back before I missed the beauty of this, luckily, despite laboured breathing, I made it in time to capture this! And this... beautiful sunset on the way home from work... aaah simple things!

I can see it now... travel writer and photographer, with flare (of course!) Visualising is key, don't underestimate it. My camera is testament to that. Yes, I would love to travel the world with camera and notebook, what a way to experience life! I also seem to attract interesting encounters on my travels, all the more reason to pursue this dream. In fact I shall write a book one day and title it 'Misadventures with Mary Jane'...

It's not for lack of trying that my posts are somewhat tardy. Well... extremely tardy I give you that, and perhaps if I did try harder I would post at least twice a year... that's not too much to ask, is it? Ok, I'll blame it on my lack of desire for sitting in front of a computer for long lengths of time. Yes, that sounds plausible.
So a whole year has gone by! I'm not sure I can or wish to squeeze all my adventures onto this page. For the most, it will remain in my foggy memory for the time being.
What I can tell you, looking back on 2008, it was a very interesting and trying year to say the least - for a lot of people I understand. In fact, it turns out, I had 4 careers (if one can call them that), yes 4... in that year! Beat that! 1st working for a garden decor company, 2nd working in film, 3rd running an art gallery and 4th running a health shop! A common thread... I'm not quite sure, but it did fit all my criteria that evoke a passion within. Confused? me too!
So the adventure continues...